Under Construction - Road Map for Conversational Skills (Part 2)
Extending conversations--especially on a topic that is not of interest--is difficult for many people, but is particularly difficult for those who have
social-pragmatic deficits. I'd like to continue to use the car/road analogy to demonstrate one of the ways I teach and have students practice this skill. Last week I shared how students can inadvertently put up a Road Closed sign by failing to provide detailed information. The student can prevent closing the road/stopping the conversation by doing one of two things: 1) asking questions; and 2) sharing personal information. I usually start by teaching, practicing and role-playing how to ask questions. It tends to be a more concrete method of continuing the conversation/drive, and it prevents conversation "monopolizers" from making the conversation all about themselves.
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| How to Ask Questions |
So, in this example, I move my car forward by asking something like,
Beth Q: Do you have plans for this summer?
John A: Yes, we're going to the beach.
Beth C and Q: That sounds fun, which beach?
John A: Bethany Beach.
Beth C and Q: I love that beach! Who is going with you?
John A: My mom, dad and sister.
Beth C and Q: I bet you are going to have so much fun. When are you going/how long will you be gone?
John A: Two weeks in July.
Beth C: Wow, sounds like a great vacation!
BUT THAT IS JUST HALF OF THE CONVERSATION...
Most of my students will sit in awkward silence if I end the conversation there, and do not continue to ask them questions that focus entirely on them. That has become their comfort-zone. Adults and peers with solid conversation skills--to avoid the discomfort of the silence--typically meet the student more than half way, asking question after question about the student. That student, then, does not experience the "natural consequence" (awkward feeling) of failing to extend the conversation, and therefore has no opportunity to repair and learn how to extend and show interest in the other person.
More on conversation skills in a couple of weeks...
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Road Map for Conversational Skills
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Last
week I shared the importance of learning the "art" or
"dance" of conversation. By expanding vocabulary for emotions,
students can more accurately convey how they are feeling, which is very helpful
for peer negotiations, communicating with teachers, therapists and parents.
skill that should be overtly taught to students who don't naturally
"get" conversation, is how turns work and how to keep the
conversation balanced. This week I'll share the "Road Analogy" and
how I introduce it to students. Over the next couple of weeks, I will expand on
this method.
person chooses a topic (usually I choose, and focus on the student's interest
first) See Figure A.
we are on the same road, neither of us will suddenly leave the road, we will be
on the same topic, heading in the same direction. If the student suddenly
changes topic, I can use the metaphor of getting whiplash, drawing a sharp exit
from the main road. Neither of us will hog the road (talk too much) or randomly
park in the
middle of the road (provide too little information.) The first lesson may look
something like this:
I ask John a question like, "How was your weekend?"
"good."
the discomfort that exists because he didn't move his car along the road, but
shut the conversation down inadvertently. (Many adults meet the student 99% of
the way, asking a multitude of questions, which is not at all a balanced
conversation. By doing this, the student doesn't experience the natural
consequence of slight discomfort when they fail to "do their part" in
the conversation. See Figure B.
InferCabulary Word of the Week
Conversation Connections
Conversation skills are so important! Many children today have not had the opportunity to learn the importance of reciprocity in conversation. Some will naturally figure it out when they get older. But I figure there's no time like the present for children to learn a skill that can help parents and children connect, and help children interact with peers in a deeper way. By overtly discussing how conversations help deepen our relationships with others, expanding emotion vocabulary, and role- playing, children's eyes are opened to the connectedness available to them through simple, reciprocal conversations.
It is natural for adults with good conversation skills to "meet the child more than half way"--often 90%--during conversations. That might sound something like this:
Mom: How was your day?
Brianna: Fine.
Mom: What did you do?
Brianna: Nothing.
Mom: Did you have gym today?
Brianna: Yes.
If the conversation is to continue, who is responsible for making it happen? The mom wants the connection--understands the importance of language as a tool to connect emotionally--so, with a "resistant" partner, this "conversation" becomes a barrage of questions that can often leave both parties frustrated.
I am currently working with a fourth grader and a freshman in high school on expanding conversation. Over the next few weeks I'd like to share what we are working on.
Both boys needed work on expanding vocabulary for emotions. "Good", "bad", "happy" and "mad" don't help the partner understand the nuances of how they are feeling. Here is a sample of the type of intensity graph I use to work on this objective:
Next week, I will share about the "Road" technique, where I concretely, visually demonstrate the expectations of both parties involved in the conversation. Just practicing this skill alone can have a significant impact on the quality of conversations.